"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, 'Never try.'" --Homer Simpson, The Simpsons
This is going to be brief. I wanted to jot this down somewhere, and this is as good a place as any! I realized the other day how much I like to sort the things that happen in life like it's a story. This probably is not entirely unique to me. But so often, the focus of that sorting process is finding out what happens at the end. But I don't do this in any other similar context! For example, I don't like it that much when somebody sitting next to me watching a movie or show says, "Ohhhhh, I figured it out. It was so-and-so." And then they're right. I'm watching because I want to be surprised; if I'm not surprised, it's hard to be interested in the rest of the story. It's the promise of the ending, not the ending itself, that keeps you in your seat.
So why do I keep trying to figure out what the ending is, when there's a perfectly good story playing out in front of me?
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Stories: The Plan
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." -- Groucho Marx
For the next few days or over the next week, I'm going to sketch out some of the stories I often tell. Since I'm in the middle of grading papers (whoo let's learn us some ENGLISH PLZ), I am going to talk about The Plan instead of my tense relationship with my, er, place I was for four years and left with a degree. You know; that...place. But yes, The Plan. This Plan is as controversial as it is hilariously controversial. That's why I chose it.
Best to start with some background. I like to tease people who are in relationships, and especially people who are otherwise serious. It's one of the joys of being single, and such joys must be appreciated while they last. One day Pastor Pete was carrying something for his then-fiancee Gina, and I was duly needling her about this. She informed me that I would be doing something similar one day, to which I politely responded that hecks no. Some people may try to fill up their empty lives with a relationship, but I'm more than happy with Michigan football (graaaahhh) and Pizza House pizza, thank you. From the ensuing exchange, needless to say, a little wager arose. If I am still single by the age of thirty-five, then Gina will buy me pizza from Pizza House.
Now, you never make a bet with someone that hinges entirely on their decision. Just a little advice.
When I mentioned this to several other people, similar wagers were made. My friend Susan is buying me Pizza House pizza at age 30, Gloria at age 40, and (I think) Sam at age 45. Now, this set me to thinking even more. I've always said that if I don't die early, I haven't eaten the way I really want to eat. So the Pizza House wagers made me decide it might be best if I aimed at dying of a heart attack at age 48. There's no history of heart disease in my family, really, so this would be a pretty big accomplishment. But I have no lack of ambition.
I recently added Jiyeon to the list of people buying me Pizza House (age 32.5). There was another recent modification, too: for the sake of awesomeness, if somehow the heart attack thing doesn't seem likely when the time is drawing nigh, I'm going to attempt to become the first person to fly across the Pacific in an ultralight aircraft. The advantages to this are that, if it works, holy dang. Awesome. If, as seems likely, I perish along the way, then there's no need for a whole expensive coffin, burial, etc.
There is an addendum. If, somehow, I do get married and leave an heir (which good luck with that, world), then I'm naming him Nancy Boy. I am doing this on the "Boy Named Sue" Principle, which is that boys with girlie names will grow up tough with all the teasing they will undoubtedly receive. Ultimately, such a son would probably end up playing NFL ball and supporting me in my old age, assuming he doesn't avenge himself on me first. Some things must be left to luck, after all. This also means that, if I get married, I shall have to get married to someone who is about 5'7"...someone who, although not necessarily taller than me, has or would likely have large, athletic brothers.
So there it is: a future all planned out and almost perfectly crafted to elicit amusing responses from those who hear it. A final note: When asked, "But what will you do?" the only possible answer is, "Not being married? Probably whatever I want." Discuss.
For the next few days or over the next week, I'm going to sketch out some of the stories I often tell. Since I'm in the middle of grading papers (whoo let's learn us some ENGLISH PLZ), I am going to talk about The Plan instead of my tense relationship with my, er, place I was for four years and left with a degree. You know; that...place. But yes, The Plan. This Plan is as controversial as it is hilariously controversial. That's why I chose it.
Best to start with some background. I like to tease people who are in relationships, and especially people who are otherwise serious. It's one of the joys of being single, and such joys must be appreciated while they last. One day Pastor Pete was carrying something for his then-fiancee Gina, and I was duly needling her about this. She informed me that I would be doing something similar one day, to which I politely responded that hecks no. Some people may try to fill up their empty lives with a relationship, but I'm more than happy with Michigan football (graaaahhh) and Pizza House pizza, thank you. From the ensuing exchange, needless to say, a little wager arose. If I am still single by the age of thirty-five, then Gina will buy me pizza from Pizza House.
Now, you never make a bet with someone that hinges entirely on their decision. Just a little advice.
When I mentioned this to several other people, similar wagers were made. My friend Susan is buying me Pizza House pizza at age 30, Gloria at age 40, and (I think) Sam at age 45. Now, this set me to thinking even more. I've always said that if I don't die early, I haven't eaten the way I really want to eat. So the Pizza House wagers made me decide it might be best if I aimed at dying of a heart attack at age 48. There's no history of heart disease in my family, really, so this would be a pretty big accomplishment. But I have no lack of ambition.
I recently added Jiyeon to the list of people buying me Pizza House (age 32.5). There was another recent modification, too: for the sake of awesomeness, if somehow the heart attack thing doesn't seem likely when the time is drawing nigh, I'm going to attempt to become the first person to fly across the Pacific in an ultralight aircraft. The advantages to this are that, if it works, holy dang. Awesome. If, as seems likely, I perish along the way, then there's no need for a whole expensive coffin, burial, etc.
There is an addendum. If, somehow, I do get married and leave an heir (which good luck with that, world), then I'm naming him Nancy Boy. I am doing this on the "Boy Named Sue" Principle, which is that boys with girlie names will grow up tough with all the teasing they will undoubtedly receive. Ultimately, such a son would probably end up playing NFL ball and supporting me in my old age, assuming he doesn't avenge himself on me first. Some things must be left to luck, after all. This also means that, if I get married, I shall have to get married to someone who is about 5'7"...someone who, although not necessarily taller than me, has or would likely have large, athletic brothers.
So there it is: a future all planned out and almost perfectly crafted to elicit amusing responses from those who hear it. A final note: When asked, "But what will you do?" the only possible answer is, "Not being married? Probably whatever I want." Discuss.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Nostalgia
"Why, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, do you want to ruin--wait a second. Who's the girl?" -- Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
It is my belief that, as a person, I am more prone to nostalgia than most. When I drive back to Newaygo, I often take a longer route--I-96 to the East Beltline to 10 Mile to Algoma--just to pass by all the places I used to go with people when I used to be there more often. There were the late nights at the IHOP near Celebration Cinema, the two trips to Dunhill to get fitted for and then pick up my tuxedo with Andrew when he got married. The aforementioned Celebration Cinema was where I saw all three Lord of the Rings movies; for the last one, my friends spent two straight weeks convincing me to join them in dressing up for it (guh), and when I went as Gandalf people there actually asked me to take pictures with them. Turning from the Beltline onto 10 Mile takes me within sight of Jody's, where I went and hung out with church friends all the time. Just a short walk from that is where the D&W used to be when I was five and we still lived in Rockford.
So many of those friends that I spent my formative years with are gone now. A few are still around. Not many. And it would be impossible, I know, to go back to some of those places without feeling the slight heartache of missing not only people, but times together. Or just times, period; I still remember pacing around the wooden deck behind Frenz Coffee House, memorizing my toast on the morning of Andrew's wedding.
That's what nostalgia is; it comes from the Greek words nostos, meaning a homeward journey, and algos, meaning pain.
Of course, I don't want to go back to those times. They're completely idealized, or even romanticized, for me now, but then, too, there was always something to worry about. I started thinking about this because I was feeling that nostalgia, thinking about what it would be like to go back to those places without those people and situations. But how often do I think about the future: what it would be like to go to some of those old places with a new person or new people and be able to share with them some of the things that made me who I am? I know the places in Ann Arbor that are going to be like that for me; what if there are some here that I don't know about yet? What are the places that are going to be like that for me wherever I live next?
Nostalgia is good, but optimism is better :)
It is my belief that, as a person, I am more prone to nostalgia than most. When I drive back to Newaygo, I often take a longer route--I-96 to the East Beltline to 10 Mile to Algoma--just to pass by all the places I used to go with people when I used to be there more often. There were the late nights at the IHOP near Celebration Cinema, the two trips to Dunhill to get fitted for and then pick up my tuxedo with Andrew when he got married. The aforementioned Celebration Cinema was where I saw all three Lord of the Rings movies; for the last one, my friends spent two straight weeks convincing me to join them in dressing up for it (guh), and when I went as Gandalf people there actually asked me to take pictures with them. Turning from the Beltline onto 10 Mile takes me within sight of Jody's, where I went and hung out with church friends all the time. Just a short walk from that is where the D&W used to be when I was five and we still lived in Rockford.
So many of those friends that I spent my formative years with are gone now. A few are still around. Not many. And it would be impossible, I know, to go back to some of those places without feeling the slight heartache of missing not only people, but times together. Or just times, period; I still remember pacing around the wooden deck behind Frenz Coffee House, memorizing my toast on the morning of Andrew's wedding.
That's what nostalgia is; it comes from the Greek words nostos, meaning a homeward journey, and algos, meaning pain.
Of course, I don't want to go back to those times. They're completely idealized, or even romanticized, for me now, but then, too, there was always something to worry about. I started thinking about this because I was feeling that nostalgia, thinking about what it would be like to go back to those places without those people and situations. But how often do I think about the future: what it would be like to go to some of those old places with a new person or new people and be able to share with them some of the things that made me who I am? I know the places in Ann Arbor that are going to be like that for me; what if there are some here that I don't know about yet? What are the places that are going to be like that for me wherever I live next?
Nostalgia is good, but optimism is better :)
Sunday, October 17, 2010
I've Been Thinkin', Overthinkin'
"In the same winter the Athenians resolved to sail again against Sicily with larger forces than those which Laches and Eurymedon had commanded, and, if possible, to conquer it. They were for the most part ignorant of the size of the island and of the numbers of its inhabitants, both Hellenic and native, and they did not realize that they were taking on a war of almost the same magnitude as their war against the Peloponnesians." -- Thucydides, History of the Peloponnesian War Book XI, chapter 1
"This was the greatest Hellenic action that took place during this war, and, in my opinion, the greatest action that we know of in Hellenic history--to the victors the most brilliant of successes, to the vanquished the most calamitous of defeats; for they were utterly and entirely defeated; their sufferings were on an enormous scale; their losses were, as they say, total; army, navy, everything was destroyed, and, out of many, only few returned. So ended the events in Sicily." -- Thucydides, History of the Peloponnesian War Book XII, chapter 87
Okay, this blog entry's quote is very long, but I post it for two reasons. First, even though these quotes don't necessarily have anything to do with my thoughts, these do. Second, I just read this in preparation for the coming week of Classical Civilization 375.
The Athenians set out on their expedition to Sicily when they were in a fairly secure position, ignorant of the strength of the cities they were attacking and urged on by people interested mostly in their own glory. Even though I have little sympathy for the Athenians during the Peloponnesian War, this is still one of the more wrenching tales of loss in battle in classical antiquity. It took a decade or so, but the result of this massive failure was the conquest of Athens by Sparta and defeat in the war. According to Thucydides, though, the Athenians actually could have conquered Syracuse and succeeded in its goals. (The question of how profitable this would have been is one for a different day.)
Obviously, it's best to have good information, but that isn't always possible. So the question is this: Given a lack of information, do you wait for something conclusive? Do you proceed with a plan of action and believe at all times in the eventuality of success? For a child of God, does this question even make sense--that is, does faith in God in the particulars of our lives eliminate the need to think in this way? That last question, especially, interests me. In an important decision that could potentially change your life, and above all when it could affect someone else's life, do you wait for God to give you an absolute answer? How do you tell if you have an answer and your own scattered thoughts are clouding things?
Right now I'm not quite sure, but in the meantime I'm going to keep praying and keep thinking and keep seeking wise counsel.
"This was the greatest Hellenic action that took place during this war, and, in my opinion, the greatest action that we know of in Hellenic history--to the victors the most brilliant of successes, to the vanquished the most calamitous of defeats; for they were utterly and entirely defeated; their sufferings were on an enormous scale; their losses were, as they say, total; army, navy, everything was destroyed, and, out of many, only few returned. So ended the events in Sicily." -- Thucydides, History of the Peloponnesian War Book XII, chapter 87
Okay, this blog entry's quote is very long, but I post it for two reasons. First, even though these quotes don't necessarily have anything to do with my thoughts, these do. Second, I just read this in preparation for the coming week of Classical Civilization 375.
The Athenians set out on their expedition to Sicily when they were in a fairly secure position, ignorant of the strength of the cities they were attacking and urged on by people interested mostly in their own glory. Even though I have little sympathy for the Athenians during the Peloponnesian War, this is still one of the more wrenching tales of loss in battle in classical antiquity. It took a decade or so, but the result of this massive failure was the conquest of Athens by Sparta and defeat in the war. According to Thucydides, though, the Athenians actually could have conquered Syracuse and succeeded in its goals. (The question of how profitable this would have been is one for a different day.)
Obviously, it's best to have good information, but that isn't always possible. So the question is this: Given a lack of information, do you wait for something conclusive? Do you proceed with a plan of action and believe at all times in the eventuality of success? For a child of God, does this question even make sense--that is, does faith in God in the particulars of our lives eliminate the need to think in this way? That last question, especially, interests me. In an important decision that could potentially change your life, and above all when it could affect someone else's life, do you wait for God to give you an absolute answer? How do you tell if you have an answer and your own scattered thoughts are clouding things?
Right now I'm not quite sure, but in the meantime I'm going to keep praying and keep thinking and keep seeking wise counsel.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Free Time
"Don't give up because the pain is intense right now--get on with it, and before long you will find that you have a new vision and a new purpose." -- Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest
The Classic Civilization 375 students handed in their 5-page response papers on Monday. This is my first experience grading papers, and I'm a little anxious about it. There is the time issue, of course--I feel like this coming week will probably be consumed by reading 40-some often identical papers. But I also want to make sure that my grading is fair and informative so students understand how to move forward.
To help with that, Karen, the most experienced GSI of classic civilization, is going to meet with me/us (I don't know if the other GSI will be there) to go over some papers and discuss how we'd grade them. For that reason, I haven't graded any papers yet. And since I finished all my other work so I'd have plenty of time for grading this week, yesterday became, essentially, a day off.
And that's something I really haven't had. I went home to visit my family a few weekends ago, but that was still....going somewhere, doing something. Yesterday was just a day to do whatever I wanted. Naturally, I installed and messed around with Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind almost all day, haha. But I also realized how valuable it is to have things to do and take care of and to see the fruits of your labor. The fruits of yesterday's labor was that I made a lot of mistakes in a virtual world and wanted to start over with a new character. Not the same.
Ah well. Back to Morrowind until lecture...
The Classic Civilization 375 students handed in their 5-page response papers on Monday. This is my first experience grading papers, and I'm a little anxious about it. There is the time issue, of course--I feel like this coming week will probably be consumed by reading 40-some often identical papers. But I also want to make sure that my grading is fair and informative so students understand how to move forward.
To help with that, Karen, the most experienced GSI of classic civilization, is going to meet with me/us (I don't know if the other GSI will be there) to go over some papers and discuss how we'd grade them. For that reason, I haven't graded any papers yet. And since I finished all my other work so I'd have plenty of time for grading this week, yesterday became, essentially, a day off.
And that's something I really haven't had. I went home to visit my family a few weekends ago, but that was still....going somewhere, doing something. Yesterday was just a day to do whatever I wanted. Naturally, I installed and messed around with Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind almost all day, haha. But I also realized how valuable it is to have things to do and take care of and to see the fruits of your labor. The fruits of yesterday's labor was that I made a lot of mistakes in a virtual world and wanted to start over with a new character. Not the same.
Ah well. Back to Morrowind until lecture...
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Resumption of Blog; Thinking About the Future
"Women--can't live with 'em, can't effectively refute their hypotheses." -- Howard Wolowitz, Big Bang Theory
I kept this blog up pretty well when I was in Oklahoma, for a few reasons. One of them was also the reason I started the blog in the first place: I had a lot of friends I wasn't going to see for a while and who might be interested in what I'm up to, what's going on with me. When I got back to Ann Arbor, I tried to keep it up still, but it didn't really work out. A big part of that was that I felt like I was back with my friends again. But now I realize that I have a great many friends scattered all over the country (and world) who might want a way to catch up on what's going on with me. Maybe more importantly, I'll be leaving Ann Arbor, too, soon enough...and what if I want to catch up on myself once I've gotten a few years' distance?
Lately I've been thinking a lot about where I'm going to go, what I want to do. Of course, right? Grad student, last year in school...but it's actually fairly new for me. I just don't think about the "distant" future very often, because it seems so hard to plan for. And of course I still can't know where I'll be offered a job or what might open up. Still, various considerations are forcing me to think about the direction I'm going.
I love teaching, so I'm sure I want to do that. Increasingly, I'm also certain that I don't want to end up at a school that caters to...well, kids who would probably do well in life even if there were no schools in the area at all. I don't want to end up at a suburban high school with classrooms full of kids whose only big question is where they'll spend their college scholarships. Beyond that, there are several reasons why I don't want to teach in American public schools. First, I don't think I could accept the cushy contracts public school teachers get: enormous health benefits and pensions, tenure, etc. These contracts are bankrupting state governments. I oppose the effective public monopoly on the operation of schools, so I don't want to be part of the problem. And I want the kind of flexibility that only charter and private schools can bring.
As far as location is concerned, I'm also beginning to broaden my options. At one time, I really only wanted to teach in Michigan. Later, I figured I could deal with living in a place like D.C., New York, or some other urban center struggling with issues of poverty and poor education. But now, I think I'm more open just to being somewhere, anyway where there's an opportunity to bring both a quality education and Christ's love to people in desperate need--whether that's in this country or somewhere else in the world.
What do you guys think? Next semester it's looking like I'll be student teaching at Greenhills, which is not something I thought would happen. If it happens, that will be my first significant experience with a non-public school. I've always heard good things about it--I know Junia really enjoyed teaching there!--and hopefully it will be a good window into an alternative to the graduate factories that our public schools have too often become.
I'll continue to be in prayer about this, and I definitely plan on sharing here the answers as they come.
I kept this blog up pretty well when I was in Oklahoma, for a few reasons. One of them was also the reason I started the blog in the first place: I had a lot of friends I wasn't going to see for a while and who might be interested in what I'm up to, what's going on with me. When I got back to Ann Arbor, I tried to keep it up still, but it didn't really work out. A big part of that was that I felt like I was back with my friends again. But now I realize that I have a great many friends scattered all over the country (and world) who might want a way to catch up on what's going on with me. Maybe more importantly, I'll be leaving Ann Arbor, too, soon enough...and what if I want to catch up on myself once I've gotten a few years' distance?
Lately I've been thinking a lot about where I'm going to go, what I want to do. Of course, right? Grad student, last year in school...but it's actually fairly new for me. I just don't think about the "distant" future very often, because it seems so hard to plan for. And of course I still can't know where I'll be offered a job or what might open up. Still, various considerations are forcing me to think about the direction I'm going.
I love teaching, so I'm sure I want to do that. Increasingly, I'm also certain that I don't want to end up at a school that caters to...well, kids who would probably do well in life even if there were no schools in the area at all. I don't want to end up at a suburban high school with classrooms full of kids whose only big question is where they'll spend their college scholarships. Beyond that, there are several reasons why I don't want to teach in American public schools. First, I don't think I could accept the cushy contracts public school teachers get: enormous health benefits and pensions, tenure, etc. These contracts are bankrupting state governments. I oppose the effective public monopoly on the operation of schools, so I don't want to be part of the problem. And I want the kind of flexibility that only charter and private schools can bring.
As far as location is concerned, I'm also beginning to broaden my options. At one time, I really only wanted to teach in Michigan. Later, I figured I could deal with living in a place like D.C., New York, or some other urban center struggling with issues of poverty and poor education. But now, I think I'm more open just to being somewhere, anyway where there's an opportunity to bring both a quality education and Christ's love to people in desperate need--whether that's in this country or somewhere else in the world.
What do you guys think? Next semester it's looking like I'll be student teaching at Greenhills, which is not something I thought would happen. If it happens, that will be my first significant experience with a non-public school. I've always heard good things about it--I know Junia really enjoyed teaching there!--and hopefully it will be a good window into an alternative to the graduate factories that our public schools have too often become.
I'll continue to be in prayer about this, and I definitely plan on sharing here the answers as they come.
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